Where the fated hearts lie

Now, remember the time when we lived in our dreams
When we lived in dreams far more beautiful than they are now
The freezing rain and wind violently soak the trees
And the flowers that had only just bloomed scatter one after another ~ Hisashi Shirahama

The train is coming for us all

Emblazoned with the adventure of all our deaths

There’s numbers down its side
How long we’ll live, how long we’ve lived and god-knows what else
Its wheels churning a manic beat
Of flesh against flesh
Skin against skin
Bone against Bone
Rat against rat
As we jostle to catch it

It’s a sad day for us all naturally
But the apples we were promised never fell from the sky
And the ones we had with us were ruined forever
Deals with devils, hastily struck
Ensured we could never be saved

Not even the ones we love
Not even the ones we love
There’s a fire starting in all us
Waiting to burn us down the moment we step inside
Painted in numbers
All our numbers

Should we link hands now?
I think not
What more have we to gain?
What more have we to lose?
Nothing
Nothing
There’s the whistle and the blow
Of our deaths approaching
And we have to get on now
Regardless of where our fated hearts are.

Save Our Souls

When the daylight’s like florescent light
I hang my hands over your eyes to hide ~ Emily Haines

There’s a serial killer on the prowl
Wearing white and smoking a mean cigar
He’s got a knife
And he’s coming

There’s a fire burning somewhere
Here’s its smoke blowing this way
Wear your masks, cover your noses
But the smoke’s coming

And the plane you hired to write my name in the sky
Is falling down
The illegible jumble of words is inexcusable
And add the loss of the hapless pilot
To the list of things gone wrong

There’s some kids playing in the graveyard
Playing a dangerous game of hide-and-go-seek
Among the dead
They’ll soon fall into an open grave
Theirs, waiting for them

And the boys who left the party
Crashed by the bank of the forests
Wheels careening into drug-addled brains
And by some happy accident
One of them died
So the other could sober up

Look at the school
The English Teacher is screwing the model student
He’s serious, she’s playing
But she’s was the original temptress
Not he

And the lonely satellite dish that looks on all this
Sits lonely on the hilltop
Waiting for the day
When a girl screwing her teacher will crash her car
And a mother searching for her kid will kill a serial killer
And a prince searching for love will die by the cold hard twist
Of smoke and vapor

This is our life
A spectacle of endless flaws, mistakes
And there’s nothing we can do
Save wear a gas mask
And hope some poor idiot kills a serial killer
And save our souls.

Clouds

You’re making rain, and you’re just in reach,
When you and sleep escape me ~ Kate Bush

I stand on a hill

Clouds of yesterday are blocking up the sunlight
And my hands lose their grip on the winds

How did I get here?

You spun me around blindfolded
And sent me out into the call
Of the future future, the future past and the future present
My legs kept walking their walk
My eyes roving behind the cloth
Till I felt the steel of the fabric unfasten
And the cotton in my lungs fade

I took a breath
And opened my eyes to the pain
Of a desolate hill
And a cloud looming up now to catch me

But the past is not completely closed off
The steel in front of my eyes still remains
Glinting, catching the weak sun
And throwing dazzling sparks at me
The voice of memory
Seductive and enchanting
Is choking me again and again

And my legs feel bewitched
Cursed forever to pause
Forever

On the line between Clouds of yesterday
And Clouds of Tomorrow

Departure, Reflection and Decision

The gravel crunch fell off my past
As I turned the car in a vicious circle
Wheels spinning.
A vindictive twist of the wheel and I was off.
I broke a vase or two,
An altar to our mad, wonderful journey.
The curtains waved your goodbye for you,
Tearful and pained
While you hid under those sheets with him.

That was two hours ago
And I’m still driving down this road of delusions.
I’m thinking I’ll drive back
And you’ll  greet me with an open heart and a warm smile,
Your hair smelling of reconciliation and roses
With the crinkle of relief at your eyes
As your midnight eyes glimmer softly
In the warm dusk glow of a setting sun.
Delusions all,
How I wish they rang of truth and not of false dreams

What are you doing now?
Are you picking up the pieces now of those vases,
Thinking of how typical it is of me to just leave
With the chips scattered far and wide?
With only your two small hands to gather the whole wide ocean together?
Or are you remembering the times I tore our fabric
With that bottle I downed in one go?
Or the delicious smoke that broke your mirror?
Nah, it’s probably the dresses that were sunk into the drink
To be drunk into oblivion in sad lonely bars.

But that’s no reason I’m thinking
As I’m driving past the sun into the moon
With the stars burning bright and not a cloud in sight.
Do all my flaws give you any right to share what’s ours
So intimately with another human being?
A faceless stranger? I don’t even wanna know if he was some innocent
One-night fuck
Or a guy you fell in love after I disappointed your hopes
I still hate him
And I still think you did wrong.

And guess what?
After all those bottles, smokes, fights and dreams
After all those dances and battles
On either side of Our Couch,
It’s taken me three hours of driving through this wasteland
And three months of driving through this relationship
To realise
We never existed.

We were clutching a vain hope,
An imitation of a story book, a movie, a TV show.
Thinking ourselves clever for not showing
The cracks, the splitting mirrors or
The flaking plaster on our faces

They probably saw right through us.
Your bloodshot eyes after a night of crying,
My drunken smiles behind the hastily washed face.
Our masks were so fragile and weak
I’m surprised they held on for so long.
But in the end
We weren’t fooling anyone else
But ourselves

So I’m coming back now
I’m turning the car
So the dust cloud faces the stars I was running to.
I don’t want to journey off into the light
Or even to some lonely bar where a barkeep is running out of customers,
I don’t want to down five straight ones
Or light up a painting between my lips
I wanna come back.

I want to pick up the pieces of hurt I threw at you,
Dry off the dresses in the drink and flash them at you
At a birthday, at an anniversary
Or even on an ordinary day.
I want to exist
Here and now
Not as I
But as we.

So I’m coming back now.

Heights

You left
A thousand rips in this page we drew
Paint dripping and pooling
The tile glares. Why did you
Leave?

I woke to your thunder
Rich, dark shoe on hard tile
And the brutal snap of a drawer pulled
Threads and dreams in a pile

Tug, shriek, a whisper of a scream
And I’m floating up above now
When will you come back home?
A handshake of deceit, a bow
Of disagreement

We’re parting ways
You’re staying here
Pinned to this cold cruel Earth
And I’m departing

On life

A life is a life is a life
So little
Yet so important
We have no idea of how many seconds worth we have
But each second’s worth?

I want to believe life is joy and glory
That life is sun and the dew kissed grass in the mornings
That life is smiling at a present
Or laughing with your friends at some trivial joke

But life is also death and farewells
A cruel twist in a fabric
That changes our perspective in one, vindictive tug
A wave washes up on shore
The wind howls and the trees moan
And a life ebbs away

Our time here is not long
But neither is it short
Our time here may not mean anything much
But neither is it meaningless

A life is a life is a life
So little in time and reach
But so important too
Because
At the end of each day
With all our clocks running down
One by one

All any of us can ever do
Is not wait for the end
Or god forbid,

Hasten it.

To all those who step forth out of fear, anxiety and pain. 

Words and sighs

A solitary sigh
And you’ve got your story
One breath is all it takes
For it all to spill out

It’s so simple though isn’t it?
No words, no delicate choosing
Between ‘appropriate’ and ‘fitting’
Exhale and let it all out

It’s not unlike the start of a song
Only the start mind
When that lone note sets the tone
For the entire piece that follows
Though the rubbish in the middle ruins it

Just stop
With the sigh
Say no more
I don’t want to hear it.