As savage as these nights are
Nothing bites harder
Nor licks its tongue smoother
Than the cold breeze after a midnight tryst with the devil
It’s a cruel, unrelenting world I saw that night
With colors most majestic
And tastes unheard of before
Yet I couldn’t help the feeling
That something was dragging me down as I rose up high
You with your tender ears and
Loving eyes could not possibly understand
Where I’ve been or what I’ve done
When I tell you I’ve been the devil
Or dipped a finger in a cauldron of fire and brimstone
Strike me down
End this fleeting and momentary agony
My knowledge knows no common ground
With your innocence
We were never meant to collide,
Here or today
So when we did,
Here among the most savage of nights
You take a cigarette, long and thin, from the pack of Marlboro menthols
That I bought two days ago.
You hold it up between your fingers,
My cruel addiction to the little soldiers of death
Marching silently in the cold white carton.
You found my pack a few hours ago
Dropped accidentally by the pool
Where we spent a hazy island summer’s day burning
Our colors and skins
You picked up the miniature coffin
And looked inside
Seeing it was almost new
You pocketed the thing.
You look to me now with your big brown eyes
Hair blowing across your forehead in the strong
You ask for a light with your mouth clamped shut
Against the light brown filter tip
And wait for me to kill you too
But see this cigarette?
This cigarette treats us differently.
We are not equal in its cold, cruel eyes.
I am an old friend of its.
I know every groove and fold it holds,
I know ever letter printed boldly on the carton’s back
Admonishing and daring me
But you know nothing.
You know nothing of the power it holds
Or the power it grants
You know absolutely nothing of the sentence you’re taking up
Or the life you will live
Victim to its strength
Culprit of your self-crime.
This cigarette treats you different
And this cigarette does not become you.
Give me the pack
And the death sentence you hold so tightly between your lips
For you, for you who found me among the lost and found
For you who returned me home
I would gladly bear the world
Or bite the proverbial bullet.
I would gladly inhale my lungs full of tar and nicotine
If it means saving a life.
If it means saving your life.
took a trip to clear my mind
now i’m even more lost
lit up the skies with my dreams
and washed away the paper plane trails
give me a bone, give me a bone
hunger’s a bitch and she’s wailing tonight
took a pill to forget the past
now it’s clearer than before
brushed the dregs of regret from my hair
threw the brush into the bonfire last night
hand me a drink, hand me a drink
my throats parched and still trying to speak
downed a few to drown the cries
they’re even louder than before
crawled across your pictures the whole day
ate leftover low Mein and drank the Kool aid
dance with me, dance with me
my legs are aching and i’m tired of feeling bored
I stopped loving him today
His innocence which hurt me
His skewed glasses
And the smiles he flashed
Why not yesterday?
Or three weeks ago when you were up at 4.30 AM
Drinking and smoking your life away?
And dancing your soul down?
But today is what matters
Because today you choose to finally let go
You can throw the glass against the wall
And watch the Fireball dripping down the cracks
You can fling away the pack of smokes
And burn the Marlboro Menthols you bought weeks ago
Down to a crisp
Because today marks your first day
Off the dating app you’ve been addicted to
Off the seedy streets, the sketchy parties
Off the booze and the smokes
Off the faceless girls and guys
Today marks the day
Like X marks the spot
On your meandering map of a life
Today’s the day, I can feel it in my throbbing veins
Today’s the day I give it all up
I stopped loving him today
Recommended: read while listening
This world is ancient,
We’ve got no refuge
It’s all in the pills and the smoking guns
The locks on doors
And churning smiles
The headache of my bedroom sheets
On my bathroom floor
This world is broken,
It’s got knots and twists
Septic fingers and bleeding feet
The carpet burns
And shaking heads
The headache of my bathroom rug
On my bedroom floor
This world is healing
We’re joining hands
We’re sewing drapes and grinding words
The nosebleed slows
And the grimaces stick
The headache of our exhausted world
In our bathroom bed.
I did type this up yesterday but things got hectic yesterday so I had to postpone this to today.
This was borne out of a sudden yearning for a beach day/pool day and an obsessive listening to “Blue” by Troye Sivan ft. Alex Hope.
Also the anime Free!
Which proved to be rather funny. More so than I expected.
I’ve slipped. Inevitable of course but there it is. This post is a day late. Well.
This Tanka was inspired by “Holocene” by Bon Iver which is quite possibly one of the best songs I’ve ever heard. Ever. And its music video is just so…fitting.
I enclose the link below:
Holocene – Bon Iver
I wrote this in a hurry.
I wrote this in the dead of night.
I wrote this. Just because.
Number 5. I’ve proven myself surprisingly committed to this. Which is good.
This was inspired by a song:
“All Time High” by The Sam Willows
And this one person this past year that showed me what it’s like to let go a little and jump in. A person I thought I’d never see in the light of day or meet or even like. But I did and it’s been good.
And because I met them, I’m a little different too.
My monthly internet limit renewed just in time today for this post. I don’t enjoy staying up till the wee hours of pre-dawn to surf the net. It makes me look a zombie zombied out on crack.
But I’m happy with this one because I was able to get it done during the hours of daytime 🙂
Inspired by some mindless Instagram scrolling and this one song by MDWS called “Heartbreak”. Look it up. NOW.
Crazy day yesterday.
Nothing serious but crazy nonetheless.
Anywho, getting to what I’m here for.
This latest Tanka was inspired by two brilliant movies, both starring Julianne Fricking Moore.
What Maisie Knew
And this one song on the Soundtrack of the first movie called Feeling of Being by Lucy Schwartz