The gravel crunch fell off my past
As I turned the car in a vicious circle
A vindictive twist of the wheel and I was off.
I broke a vase or two,
An altar to our mad, wonderful journey.
The curtains waved your goodbye for you,
Tearful and pained
While you hid under those sheets with him.
That was two hours ago
And I’m still driving down this road of delusions.
I’m thinking I’ll drive back
And you’ll greet me with an open heart and a warm smile,
Your hair smelling of reconciliation and roses
With the crinkle of relief at your eyes
As your midnight eyes glimmer softly
In the warm dusk glow of a setting sun.
How I wish they rang of truth and not of false dreams
What are you doing now?
Are you picking up the pieces now of those vases,
Thinking of how typical it is of me to just leave
With the chips scattered far and wide?
With only your two small hands to gather the whole wide ocean together?
Or are you remembering the times I tore our fabric
With that bottle I downed in one go?
Or the delicious smoke that broke your mirror?
Nah, it’s probably the dresses that were sunk into the drink
To be drunk into oblivion in sad lonely bars.
But that’s no reason I’m thinking
As I’m driving past the sun into the moon
With the stars burning bright and not a cloud in sight.
Do all my flaws give you any right to share what’s ours
So intimately with another human being?
A faceless stranger? I don’t even wanna know if he was some innocent
Or a guy you fell in love after I disappointed your hopes
I still hate him
And I still think you did wrong.
And guess what?
After all those bottles, smokes, fights and dreams
After all those dances and battles
On either side of Our Couch,
It’s taken me three hours of driving through this wasteland
And three months of driving through this relationship
We never existed.
We were clutching a vain hope,
An imitation of a story book, a movie, a TV show.
Thinking ourselves clever for not showing
The cracks, the splitting mirrors or
The flaking plaster on our faces
They probably saw right through us.
Your bloodshot eyes after a night of crying,
My drunken smiles behind the hastily washed face.
Our masks were so fragile and weak
I’m surprised they held on for so long.
But in the end
We weren’t fooling anyone else
So I’m coming back now
I’m turning the car
So the dust cloud faces the stars I was running to.
I don’t want to journey off into the light
Or even to some lonely bar where a barkeep is running out of customers,
I don’t want to down five straight ones
Or light up a painting between my lips
I wanna come back.
I want to pick up the pieces of hurt I threw at you,
Dry off the dresses in the drink and flash them at you
At a birthday, at an anniversary
Or even on an ordinary day.
I want to exist
Here and now
Not as I
But as we.
So I’m coming back now.